Overwhelming Emotions [Chp11]

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Rating: M

Pairing: (mainly) Rivaille x Eren

Summary: Being woven in his dreams and memories, Rivaille was at a loss. The second encounter with a certain boy made it even much worse than he thought it would be, especially when the boy is reaching his hands out to him again.

Disclaimer:

I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin, but this fanfiction is mine.

©AsakuraHannah Ffn

A/N: Oh God… Please bear with the cheesy drama in the chp x"D because there's some fluff

Chapter 11 : Four Promises

Eren's eyes looked around the dark classroom. He didn't realize the sun had set while his mind was busy with so many things. He wondered what time it was as his eyes gazed outside the building from the glass pane window. The only light coming into the room was from the moonlight, Eren wondered if Jean had gone home with his limousine.

Rivaille had probably gone home a while ago. His eyes scanned the empty classroom not knowing if he really wanted to go home with mixed feelings. The brunet exhaled softly and plopped down on the front desk, staring into the blackboard with an empty gaze. He remembered the time he got detention with Rivaille in front of him, watching the boy's every movement while he answered each question on the paper sheet. He remembered the sandwiches wrapped the lecturer threw to him, told him to fill his empty stomach. Eren was sure that time the man had known about him from his childhood, he remembered the man mentioned his old name even if he despised it. It was a hint for Eren to remember about the lost memory. Eren brought his palm across his face, rubbing it softly as he tried to compose himself.

'Why am I feeling like this? I felt like everything was breaking apart. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore…' Eren hauled himself up from the seat, taking his bag in hand and walked towards the entrance of the classroom. He was surprised when the door suddenly swung open and his science teacher walked inside looking confusedly in his direction.

"Eren? Why are you still here?" Hanji asked, puzzled when she spotted him through the glass window of the hallway. Eren stiffened at the question.

"Nothing. I was about to go home actually." He muttered, feeling slightly bothered by the way she stared down on him.

"Okay, let's go outside together." She said and dragged the boy without waiting for an approval. Eren groaned inwardly, he wasn't having the need to chat with someone right now.

"Did Rivaille say anything to you? I heard you're getting detention today right after school." She started, looking back to the boy who was half running while trying to balance himself with her pace. She gave a smug grin when his face turned scarlet on its own will.

"Nothing much." He squeaked before biting his lips at how his voice was.

"I was actually wondering if you are having some kind of relation with Rivaille. The man was just too stubborn to open up with anyone, so it's no wonder if he acted so harshly towards you." Eren almost crashed into her when she abruptly stopped. He jolted in surprise when Hanji clasped both hands around Eren's, gripping them tightly.

"Eren, I believe the reason Rivaille tore apart was you, so I think you should fix this." Eren's eyes widened.

"Wait, how was it my fault?" He tried to retract his hands away but she gripped it even tighter. Hanji frowned when the boy felt accused.

"I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, it's a good thing actually. He never showed any kind of emotion before. And now that he started to care about something, he didn't know what to do. He… He lost someone dear to him before." The change of tone made Eren shut his mouth from letting another sound coming.

"The girl Petra had an illness, she's my distant relative. She's the one who used to think about Rivaille and cared for him when he's down. She listened to every story Rivaille told her including his weird dreams. His family disowned him because they were disappointed in him, he had no one to turn to other than Irvin and me. After Petra's death he was torn apart, he suddenly announced that he wanted to go to the military to atone his sin. He said something about regretting the fact that people died without him being able to do anything." Hanji paused, letting the boy taking in the information. Eren stayed silent, when he didn't move or even say anything to tell her to stop, she continued.

"I'm the one who suggest for him to go to university, but he insisted on going to the military right after he finished his high school. He went there for about two years, but that didn't make him any better. I don't know why he made himself suffer so badly in there, but seeing how he was wounded every time pained Irvin's and me. In the end he took my suggestion to go and pick some course from the university. He drowned himself in lots of books and took literature courses so he could write about what he had dreamt about. Hoping that he would forget all about the pain after he wrote what's inside his head into words." Hanji slowly let go of Eren's hand while giving him a sad smile.

"He wrote about you in that draft. It's supposed to be the first book he was writing for his final year." Eren's eyes widened at the information.

"Eren, I knew about the past that's haunting him, I've heard lots of stories about it. The fact that he had to meet you again that time in Germany must be fate. You two met again in Japan under different circumstance this time. You can understand about things a lot better now, I believe you can reach your hands and heal his wounds." Eren gave her a sad smile.

"Even if he just rejected me?" He regretted spilling that when Hanji's eyes suddenly lightened up.

"What? Did you confess? No wonder you seemed so down." Eren's face flushed.

"Err… not really… But-" He was cut off by Hanji's chuckled.

"Don't worry, he's just shy." Eren quickly looked away when he heard her. No way, he looked like he was about to kill me. Wait, he had killed me before…

"Anyway, I wish you know what you are supposed to do." Hanji patted him on the arm, earning a tired grunt coming from the boy.

"Come on, let's go home. I'll take you home." She dragged him again. Eren's mind drifted to the draft book Hanji was talking about.

'He wrote a book for his final… All about the information of the past life. And about me…' Eren bit his lower lip. He wanted to read it, he wanted him to continue.

"I won't stop reaching out to him…" Hanji looked at him surprised before she gave a soft smile.

"Thank you."

Armin whipped his head when he heard what Eren just said. His face went pale while Eren just chewed on his fries nonchalantly as if the news was no big deal.

"Just don't inform Mikasa about him killing me in the past. Seriously, I don't know what she'll do." Eren mumbled after swallowing the fries. Armin slowly looked around the cafeteria, wondering if she was nearby. Much to his relief, she was nowhere near and they both could continue talking about the problem.

"So, if he had to kill you in the past, did you ask the reason why?" Eren gave a frustrated sigh and rubbed his forehead

"I didn't have the chance since he'd left me stunned by the fact. After that he said that he didn't deserve me because he was a bad person. He… I think he wanted me to think he's a bad person so that I won't be near him again or something. I don't know…"

"Eren, I think he was trying to make you safe. I mean, even if it's true that he had to kill you in the past, I'm sure there's some reason behind it. You should stay positive. Have you got some information from the medical book?" Eren snapped his head at the last question.

"How can I forget?" Armin rolled his eyes, typical Eren.

"Maybe you can get some information about you in the past life from that book. That can lead to some info about Rivaille there." Eren quickly dug his bag, searching for the book his father gave him. He quickly flipped page after page, reading together with Armin once he pulled it out. The blond scanned the record before his eyes to find something about giants called Titan.

"Titan." That word made both of them stay silent. They heard Grisha tell them about it yesterday, but they only got the name of the giants.

"What does a Titan look like?"

"Don't ask me, I don't remember my past life." Armin huffed as he scratched his head. Eren crossed his arms while thinking the words Rivaille said to him during the 'date'.

"Giants that devour humans…" Armin raised his head from the book to gaze at his friend alerted when Eren mumbled in the middle of his thoughts.

"Rivaille told me about it when we went out together, you know, before I fainted. We're soldiers, bearing the logo of Freedom Wings that's attached on our back. We fought for humanity using 3D maneuver gear that could make us fly into the sky." Armin's eyes gleamed with marvel, unsure if he should be amused or feel weird. That kind of machine might not be useful in this modern day, but he wondered if he could see the look of it.

"What type of machine was that?" His tone full of wonder. Eren shook his head.

"Rivaille said he'd to sketch the gear for me to see, but I didn't get the chance to see it until now." Eren sighed. Armin closed his mouth shut.

"Keep looking." They turned their attention back to the book until the bell rang and both groaned at the interruption.

"Let's continue about this later. Or you should just ask him." Eren threw his best friend a look.

"You do know that he's avoiding me, right?" Armin rolled his eyes and flicked his forehead making Eren flinches at the painful contact.

"Try again to talk to him. Are you that scared of rejection?"

"Yes, when it comes from him." Eren mumbled, flushing when he just admitted himself. The blonde gave a teasing smile which Eren tried hard to ignore.

"Finally you know your own feelings." Eren hissed at him embarrassed before standing up and walk past him. Armin chuckled, following him back towards their classroom.

The time they had English class, Irvin was the one teaching. He explained that Rivaille had some reports to do for his internship and the class had once again been taught by Irvin. The students continued their lesson like nothing had mattered, but that's not the case with Eren. Deep inside his heart, he was dreading about the reality of Rivaille avoiding him deliberately. He didn't know what he was supposed to do to approach him again. Even that detention tactic was not going well. Eren sighed when Irvin called out for him to read in his text book while standing up. Armin murmured the page and he read it out loud in English. Irvin watched the boy closely, he knew even if Eren reading without mistakes, the student's mind was nowhere near them. Once the boy finished reading two paragraphs, he let him sit and move on to the next paragraph for another student to read. As Connie read the next paragraph, Irvin's mind drifted back to the conversation he was having last night.

"You don't know what you are doing." Rivaille ignored the guy's words whilst typing the report on his notebook. Irvin tried to talk to him right after he went home from the school pretty late the night before. He was informed that Eren got detention right after class finished.

"Rivaille, you can't avoid him forever." Irvin sighed when Rivaille stopped typing only to glare at him.

"I fucking killed him in the past, Irvin. That's my sin and he doesn't need to know the details." Irvin stayed silent at the words.

"Rivaille…" He tried again but Rivaille pursed his lips annoyed.

"He doesn't need to know the whole details." he repeated, pressing the end of the conversation. Rivaille's eyes flew back to the screen, and hurriedly typed the last line of the paragraph he was writing.

"I just want you to think about his feeling for once, you're the one who started it. You shouldn't have gone together with him that day if you're planning to ignore him now." Rivaille's eyes met his. Irvin was hoping that he had pushed something deep within that barrier of his. Much to his disappointment, Rivaille shrugged it off.

"This report needs to be done. You are the one telling me to finish my last semester." He scoffed and clicked the print button. He stood up from his seat and left the room to make another cup of coffee, leaving Irvin alone. The taller guy gave a tired sigh and shook his head.

"Sir?" a voice interrupted his thoughts, he realized that Connie had finished reading.

"Oh, sorry. You can sit down." Irvin gave an apologetic look. Rivaille needed to do something with this mess.

'Where am I?' Eren tried to blink inside the darkness which engulfed him. The area surrounding him was very hot, like it was on fire. Eren's eyes found his vision slowly clear and found himself being so high up in the air full of steam smoke. Eren slowly shifted in his place when he noticed he was stuck in some kind of flesh, he felt himself being pulled down by someone he couldn't see so well. His green eyes looked in front of him, the blood dripping down from the man's body while he carried him in his arms. The man quickly brought his legs to run right after he landed on the ground with him safely secured in his arms. Eren tried to call out, telling him about his wound, telling him that there's no need to worry about his well being. But the man won't listen and continued to run as if their lives depended on it. Eren's eyes widened when he saw a few blades being thrown towards their direction. He could barely move to save himself along with the man who carried him, he noticed they were being pursued. Eren shut his eyes, readying himself for what was coming when the man starting to fall to the ground.

"Eren!" Eren snapped his eyes open, giving out a surprised shaky breath while he was being awakened by another slap across his face.

"Mikasa…?" He muttered when he saw his sister's looming over him. Blinking a few times at her in confusion, Mikasa slowly drew back, a frown still formed on her brows.

"You were moaning and screaming in your nightmare. Are you alright, now?" When the brunet sat up, he realized he was drenched in sweat.

"I… I'm alright, I guess… I felt tired like I've run a lot." Eren said, feeling relieved that he was awake.

"Is that your past life?" Mikasa took a seat on the edge of the bed, putting her palm on top of Eren's quivering hand. She looked at him sadly when the boy nodded.

"That's what I'm worrying about, Eren. Was it that terrifying?" Eren sighed and leaned against the window sill.

"It's okay. I'm alright, just surprised by the sudden blow. Though, next time, don't wake me up by slapping me anymore. It felt like I'm really being in pain if you did that." Eren warned her. Mikasa nodded, taking in the warning.

"I won't." she murmured, before patting his hand gently. She stood up from the bed when Eren had calmed down and left him to get another sleep. Even if Eren didn't know if he dared to sleep again, that nightmare was not as scary as the night before. His eyes glided to the clock on his nightstand. It was 2 o'clock in the morning. Shifting his green eyes to his mobile phone, Eren grasped it and turned it on. He scrolled on the list of the names on his contact list until he reached Rivaille's number. He started typing the message to him, pausing for a moment while searching the right words.

I know it's been a few days and… you're avoiding me, but… I had to tell you something. I got a nightmare just now. Being pursued with blades thrown towards my direction. Does that have a connection to the past life? Last time I was chained to the pole and kneeled on the ground with a bloody man before my eyes.I just don't know who to ask other than you…

Eren stared at the words he just typed, his finger hovering over the send button hesitantly. He didn't know if he should send the message to Rivaille now that seeing him was getting harder than before. He decided to just punch the send button on the touch screen with his thumb. He rolled on his side and clenched his eyes shut, not wanting to know if Rivaille would feel bothered by him sending message to his mobile phone in this late at night. The man was probably asleep, sleeping soundly. He was surprised when his phone vibrated with a short jingle, noticing him that he got a message to read.

Meet me tomorrow after class.

His eyes looked at his mobile screen in disbelief when he read the text message, the reply was very unexpected. The man didn't tell him where, he knew Rivaille got a day off nowadays in a random day just so he could work on his intership paperwork. Was it Rivaille who just replied him? Maybe if he told him about his dream, Rivaille would understand. Eren's lips curved into a smile. Having a nightmare wasn't so bad after all.

Okay. Tell me where we'll meet.

Rivaille was in the middle of his paperwork when frustration started to get into him. He threw his pen down and ran his hands into his hair, sighing heavily.

"I just want you to think about his feeling for once, you're the one who started it. You shouldn't have gone together with him that day if you're planning to ignore him now."

Irvin's words had stung a bit. He didn't realize that not only Eren who was reaching his hands to him again, but he was also chasing after the boy. Rivaille closed his eyes, wondering what he should do now that he had rejected the boy pretty badly. He jolted in surprised when a loud ping sound came from his mobile phone. Wondering who was texting him in two o'clock in the morning, he gave a scowl. His eyes widened when he read the text messages, disbelieving look on his face as he almost dropped his phone. He didn't know how to react for a moment. Rivaille re-read the message as if afraid that his eyes playing tricks on him, afraid that he'd become too tired to even dream while sitting up. But no, it's real. The text message was real, Eren's dream was real.

Rivaille bit his lower lip and sent the message back. He needed to confirm on their next meeting. He needed to know the dream Eren was having. Deep inside, his chest clenched painfully, Eren's nightmare came back. It was all his fault. His head hung low as his bangs covering his eyes after he sent the text message back to Eren.

Eren's hands were shaking when he stood before a classroom nervously. Rivaille had told him to meet in an empty classroom near the janitor room right after the school finished. He had told Armin and Mikasa to just go ahead and leave him at school while he'd dealt with his own problem. Their concerns were kind of annoying sometimes, but Eren could see the hint of Armin's teasing gaze on him when they parted after the last lesson.

Eren slid the door open to see Rivaille sitting on the teacher's desk, reading a book. Had he been waiting? Eren softly closed the door, staring at him when the man raised his head to see who was coming. Rivaille closed his book and stood up, their eyes never leaving each other until he was directly standing before Eren.

"Rivaille…" He started but Rivaille cut him off.

"Your dream… was it real or was it written somewhere in the book your dad gave you?"

"It's real, why would I lie to you…" he scowled while looking away. There's a moment of pause before Rivaille continued.

"It's me… The bloody man who stood before you when you were chained was me." Eren gave him a perplexed look.

"Were you the one who brought me in your arms while running away from the pursuer who… threw blades to us? I… I was coming out from in the middle of a heavy steam, I can't exactly recall it but… " Rivaille stiffened at the further explanation of his dream and gave another nod.

"I don't understand. Was someone trying to kill you?"

"It's actually you they were chasing. I was trying to save you, Eren. You couldn't run during that time because you're wounded pretty badly."

"Tell me, does it have something to do with the giants that devour humans?" Rivaille sucked his breath, his fists trembled.

"Yes… yes…" Eren stayed silent and swallowed nervously.

"Then why did you say that you… you killed me?" Rivaille slumped against the desk, hissing when the memory flooded into his mind. Watching the man in worry, Eren hurried after him but Rivaille raised his hand in the air, stopping the boy to approach him.

"I'm sorry, I asked too much…" Eren startled when he was suddenly pulled into a tight embrace. His eyes widened when the man shuddered while trying to hold in his tears.

"I'm sorry you had to remember that. I'm sorry." Rivaille's voice was desperate. Eren looked at him from the corner of his eyes, not knowing what to say. He slowly tangled his hands on the man's shirt, trying to comfort him a bit.

"This is the reason I don't want you to come near me. You have started dreaming about the past now, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, Eren. You could have avoided me, you could have taken your peaceful life ahead of you and leave me behind. You should have done that, but why don't you?! I gave you the chance, you stupid brat!" Rivaille was now caressing Eren's back as he continued holding him in his arms. The boy's hands were now clutching at Rivaille's shirt tightly, biting his lips when the need to cry was overflowing.

"I won't go away just because of that, you sounded so painful by the time you said your last sentences that night in the other classroom, as if you wanted me to think of you bad enough and stay away. But then I realized one thing. I should have known by the time I met you again, by the time we went out together… by the time I remembered my childhood, I have seen you in a different way." Rivaille abruptly pushed him off from his arms, eyeing the boy in disbelieve.

"The time you said we were lovers, I had this warm feeling inside of me. I had a mix feeling, afraid that I'm wrong, afraid that my feeling was a mistake because you twisted it in a different direction. You said you killed me, but even if it was meant to hurt me, I was still torn apart when you left me in the dark." Rivaille looked like he was about to cry.

"I'm sorry… I just don't want to tie you with me again, if you can find a better person than I am in this new world, I don't mind. We might have been lovers in the past, but this life could lead to a different way. I don't want to close your path and drown you along with me, Eren." Eren shook his head, he hugged the man fully, feeling desperate to make him understand.

"Please don't say that. We may be different now, but I don't want you to take the wrong assumption on me loving you because of the past. Not because you said we were lovers. My feelings are genuine! It has nothing to do with the past." Eren felt happy when Rivaille returned the hug.

"Tell me what happened this time." Eren said with a crack whispered, smiling when the man nestled his hand on his brunet locks. When he felt Rivaille shift a bit, Eren made some distance to break the hug. He was surprised when he felt a pair of lips pressing gently on the crook of his neck instead. Eren felt the air lifted into several degrees hotter than before.

"Rivaille…" he slowly pushed the man away, feeling embarrassed. Even if he didn't mark him, he wasn't expecting that kind of demeanour. Eren flushed even more when Rivaille rested his head against his shoulder.

"I will explain to you everything now." Eren didn't know what to do while the man continued hugging him, refusing to let him go. He didn't trust himself to speak and only gave a nod mutely. He clutched his eyes shut and return the hug to Rivaille who was startled at the sudden act. Rivaille gave a soft chuckle and pulled him closer if possible.

'Still a brat as always' Rivaille kissed his earshell which turned red by the affection. It felt right, having the boy in his arms again, having to caress his back like he usually did, having felt the warmth against his body while hugging each other closely. Rivaille's eyes glimmered with sadness.

"I'm sorry I've hurt you." He whispered, still not letting him go like he was afraid that Eren would vanish. Eren shook his head, smiling when he felt comfortable by the caresses.

"Nothing to worry about, I'm fine." Rivaille pulled back to stare into his eyes. Those emerald orbs were always shining brightly, his gaze stared deep into his eyes. Beautiful as always. He brought his lips to kiss on the brunet's eyelid, earning a soft chuckle from Eren.

"Rivaille, will you do the usual thing? You only did that in my dream, I want to feel it now. Those kisses…" Rivaille's lips curved into a smile at the favour the boy asked while blushing.

"The usual? Do you remember what it was called?" He whispered, there's no need to talk loudly when they were this close. Eren tilted his head in question while Rivaille brushed his fingers against his cheek lovingly.

"Uh, ritual?" he tried but Rivaille shook his head.

"We called it four promises." Eren gave a smile, he wished he remembered. His sadness was probably displayed transparently on his face since Rivaille shook his head and pressed their forehead together.

"Don't feel sad, it's actually pretty cheesy now that I think about it." Eren snorted at him.

"Explain to me." He whispered, leaning down when Rivaille circled his hand on the back of his neck. Pressing a soft kiss on Eren's forehead, he brought Eren's hand into his, intertwining their fingers together.

"I'll give you my heart…" and moved down to his nose.

"… my soul" and to his right cheek.

"…my everything" Rivaille's eyes were now gleaming with happiness when Eren's face turned into a deep scarlet by the kisses. He knew what was coming next.

"… and so we'll never be apart." He moved closer to press his lips against him, kissing him lovingly. Eren closed his eyes and deepened the kiss, feeling happy that they were finally able to be together. As soon as their lips met, he felt a pang of déjà vu melting into his heart. He knew the feelings, he had kissed the man before.

His long lost lover.

Eren let a single tear fall to his cheek.

Maybe because of the last promise that they met each other again. Maybe it was their fate to be together again. Either way, he was glad that they won't be apart again.

Together they continued kissing each other with the sunset displayed behind them, showering them with warm comforting light.

TBC

OMG FINALLY! I hope you like the end of this chp, tell me what you think

Next chp will… omg X"D these plot bunnies are killing me, they won't stop running around in my head. Even I'm confused on where to start for the next chp because I'll start with the past event… ._. Pls give me strengths…

–flails-